Dear Keyamo, your intellect appears confused as you continue to lie for the APC, blowing their anus and in the process thrashing your dignity. My people have a saying that an anus is available for blowing a flute, but who wants to blow it? The inept government of the APC bugged down by bureaucratic and political corruption have been sleeping with an itchy anus for three years; they have been wasteful; looting, attracting looters and unable to contain the bloodbath in the country. Faced with the challenge of 2019 elections, they have recruited you, my love, to come and scratch their itchy butts. Don’t you know that you are the one who will wake up with smelly fingers?
Keyamo, I have analyzed a couple of your tweets and concluded that the premise of your involvement in Buharis’s reelection bid, which is the separation of his person from his party, the APC is not only old, it has been tested and proven wrong. Some of us did what you are doing now in the run-up to the 2015 election. Three years on, we have concluded that Mr. President cannot morally claim to be independent of his party when he has been protecting, hosting and dining with characters known for fraud and outright embezzlement.
Keyamo, in one of your tweets, you charged Nigerian “patriots to begin to speak out … properly guiding those underinformed or misinformed”. As a guide, note that giving birth to a retarded child and frequent loss of newborn babies are brothers. No matter how you attempt to create none existing distinctions, APC and PDP are brothers. The Ekiti charade called an election is a testimony to the fact that what is in the rat’s hole (PDP) is also in the squirrel’s hideout (APC). By accepting to blow the anus of the APC as a trumpet to Nigerians, therefore, you are an accomplice to failure. After all, he who goes to the land where they cut off ears should cut off his own and contribute it.
My love Keyamo, your claim that the 2019 election is “a delicate game of power between those who reckon they’re the owners of Nigeria and the present [APC] government” is at best half-truth. You lied and attempted to confuse Nigerians that are not in the know when you claimed that the 2019 election is not just a contest for power” but “a battle between forces of corruption and patriots.” Bros, who are the Patriots on the APC side? Who are the incorruptible men in APC? Orji Kalu? Tinubu? Saraki? Mina? Babachir Lawal? Abba Kyari? Okorocha?
Yes, Mr. Keyamo, the 2019 election is a power contest between the “tin gods of Nigeria and the masses”. Unfortunately, my love, the “tin gods” are housed in PDP as well as the APC you are working for. The forces of darkness are all over the APC and the PDP. The light, the light you claim to be representing is out there, lonely and still searching for a coalition that will rescue Nigeria. Millions of Nigerians are yearning for a new beginning in our democratic experiment. Unfortunately, Buhari and the APC is not that new beginning that we need.
Whatever happens from now on, please, please, please my love, stop dropping the name of Gani Fawehinmi as a cover for accepting to work for APC. Gani’s love for Buhari in the past could not be extended to the APC of today. Can you imagine Gani working for a government where the apparatus of government has become an instrument for the enrichment of the dominant ruling party? The vulture and the kite do not scramble for food: the vulture is a scavenger; the kite, a predator. APC and PDP are scavengers. Don’t associate the name of our hero Gani with scavengers.
Keamo, he who abhors dog meat should not eat dog-meat soup. You abhor corruption, right? Why then are you campaigning for the return of the APC government with political actors that are as chronically corrupt as their PDP counterparts? Bros Keyamo, you contradicted yourself in a tweet when you accepted that the PDP looters of yesterday are at the heart of today’s APC and at the same time claim that Nigerians are “under siege by the same callous people who stole almost everything we labored for in 16yrs.”
My love Keyamo, you lied to Nigerians when you claimed that you “came out of your comfort zone to take on [the] task of Spokesperson for the reelection campaign of Bukari. Iro! Bros you did not come out of any comfort zone, rather, you moved deeper into the inner circle of the clique around Mr. President that are eager to compensate anyone willing to blow their trumpet. You just made yourself more comfortable. You just made yourself a pillar of lies and half-truths.
My dear Keyamo, you are like a grasshopper roasting over the fire, meanwhile claiming to be emitting fat. Your claim that “for over 2 decades, [you] have fought governments; have been arrested, detained, & charged to court severally for [your] beliefs” is right. I am, however, not sure what you mean when you said that you cannot be “dissuaded” from what you believe. What do you believe in my love? I am sure Gani does not, but, do you believe in incompetence? Do you believe in our Police IG and Minister for Interior? Do you believe that the inability of the Nigerian government to reign in on several armed bandits killing and terrorizing Nigerian is progress?
My dear Keyamo, I am not going to use “gutter language” but as you continue to swallow the rotten APC coconut, do you have absolute trust in your anus? I am not trying to dissuade you my love, but don’t you think you are taking a big risk with your integrity by choosing to blow the anus of these corrupt politicians in APC? Do you want the same fate that befell Buhari to befall you? Mr. Keyamo, I agree that the PDP wailers should encourage their looters to refund the money meant for arms but used in the 2015 election campaign; but so also should the APC looters that financed Buhari’s 2015 election and currently financing his reelection campaign.
Just in case you have forgotten, Keyamo, the anus represents the point of exit of waste and the outlet of the foul-smelling fart. In the APC, today, the foul-smelling farts are embodied in Ali Modu Sherriff, Abdulrasheed Maina, Abba Kyari, AG Abubakar Malami. Why should you choose to blow that part of the body so derided that it is somewhat treated in abstraction as though it is not part of the body? So, my love, before you swallow a mango seed, please make sure that you have calculated the diameter of your anus.
Let me end this love letter by reminding you, Keyamo, that there is no culture that has changed the status of the anus from a place of filth and exit for human waste to something else. The PDP, just like the APC is synonymous to the political anus in Nigerian. You can wash a pig; you can pet a pig and dry-clean them; you can even dress a pig up, but a pig will remain a pig. Bros, stop blowing the unclean, nauseating and obnoxious anus of the APC. Stop attempting to appease the pangs of hunger by swallowing phlegm. Join the terrifying struggle to take our country back from the scavengers in the APC and the PDP. Together, we can.
From Churchill with love
You can email Churchill at Churchill.firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him on Twitter @churchillnnobi